Hey everybody,
Its been a while, I've been deployed to Iraq, done 5 months already and am currently on leave back in Boston. Its different here, you see military guys more often and they honestly like you. Its insane, I might just start keeping this one going for a bit, to tell stories back home in the states. People are striving for on the ground truth, and unfortunately CNN has given up that mantle as a source of accurate news, how do I know this? I've seen it. The media has become a consumer industry, everybody craves stories abotu other's no matter if they are good news or bad. But Bad news sells. Some things I want to touch on...
1. Saddam was a bad guy, he was executed. Was he given due process... I dunno. But he wasn't a good guy, no matter how you look at him. Anybody that tries to glorify him forgets all the people that died by his hand. Hey, Hitler fixed Germany's economy; that doesn't take away from the fact that he murdered a shit-load of jews. Mousolini made sure that the trains ran on time... Mao tse-tung made sure everybody had jobs, doesn't take away from the fact that he ordered the killing of anybody against him.

2. The news lies, I was there and am going back, I am intimate with a certain area of Iraq and they seem to continueously report news that doesn't  happen.
3. I love my job, I'm outside doing things often, as opposed to hanging out in a cubicle jail cell. I don't think I could have it anyother way.
4. I've gotten my temper under control, or better than it was before, The army changed me, made me tougher and more patient.

I'll post some stories soon enough, if I remember about this post.

hmmm, there are things I want to put down here, but I don't at the same time.
"Share your fears with yourself and share your courage with others." 
Thats a saying that many wise men have, I try my best sometimes to do that. I keep my fears to myself as best as I can. but at times its hard to keep all my ducks in a row, without missing something. To everybody outside my tight nit circle of friends, I'm calm cool and collected about everything, but there are stressors on my life that few can really comprehend. There is an entire different level, where I'm afraid, afraid for the future, my independence and everything else. but nobody outside sees that, and even some people inside don't see that.

I'm my own worst enemy

there are many instances where its all up to me. To tell the truth, I'm not the bad ass I wish I was. Hell, I'm not even sketchy. maybe obnoxious, maybe at times too blunt for your ears, and almost certainly bitter. But I'm nowheres near the badass I wish I was. The Badass has no fear, He is strong resiliant, confident in his abilities and the level to take charge, he is a man's man. He doesn't have to kill or destroy things, but can and will if nessissary. He doesn't always smoke, but he does have a vice, whether its alcohol or smoking, thats his descisions. The Badass also has some unfamiliar qualities that many people wouldn't acquait with them, he is a gentleman and a really nice guy. This is the archetype which I try to live up to, unfortunately I don't feel like I'm living up to any of these standards right now. There is stuff I don't feel like writing but trust me when I say that I don't feel anywheres near this archetype right now. I'm my own harshest critic and while others may say I do great things, I think I can do better. there is no ultimate level, I am a person who strives for perfection. Unfortunately, I'm also a person who has a HUGE fear of failing. So I don't even try to start the perfection process sometimes. I'm not afraid of alot things, I'm very hard on myself when I fail. I hate to fail. I guess I need a boot in the ass.
Relationships   

I guess you could call me relationship retarded right now. After that last one, I'm just jaded with alot of the romance that I used to be into. I feel like my fire is gone. There is a flicker of hope out there. They are cute, but I dunno how that'll end up. meeting new wimmins is hard because I'm not exactly the most PC and at times nicest person in the world. My bluntness just makes everything worse. I need a girl that can take care of herself, but still loves the chivilry of a good man. yeah... I consider myself a good man, and chivilrous, (y'all can keep that snickerin' to yourselves, I know a few of you are doing so at this moment). So what if I can't get myself to just play hook up. I don't do that gig. I guess you could call me moralist. or maybe just stupid. Somebody sent me a horoscope thing and I thought it was funny because it described me perfectly. It said as an aquarius, I am not in search of the hook up, but instead of love. Its the truth, thats all I'm really looking for. If I wanted sex, that wouldn't be too hard, there is always some girl out there ready and willing... but that isn't what I'm looking for. Sex fuckin ROCKS, don't get me wrong, but right now I don't need sex, I need snuggling and silly crappy lovey dovey shit like that... I'm in a cuddly mood right now.
Its late and I have work bright and friggin early tomorrow so I should go. take care everybody.
---Jon 

This whole highschool graduation shit has put me on serious edge. I don't like it at all. It seems like nobody has graduated from the 8th grade. I see myself surrounded by the same people, the same personalities. In my cloistered town every thing is the same, static, nothing is changing. Today I had to pretend to be a homophobic anti-semetic social darwinist fascist in my behavioral science class because everybody was so narrow minded that they had automatically subscribed to the politically correct way of thinking. There was no room for intellectual creativity, you were either homophobic or not. Anti-semitic or not. It was rediculas how uhhh.... socially manufactured they were. So I took the hit to try and open their minds. I don't think It worked out too well. whatever.
other than that retarded instance and the little out burst I had at two virgins grinning as they were talking abotu somebody elses sex life like she was an object. Women aren't objects people, not in the way they were doing it... it was like 3 perverts surrounding some girl and teasing her because she gets ass. sorry kids, that isn't kosher, especially if you've never done the deed.
Anyways, I had a decent weekend. I got drunk friday and that was a cool evening. I need to start thinking about who I'm taking to the prom. still have no clue. I could take a soph or freshman, but... I dunno. prolly not
Sunday was easter. I entered the episcopal church a little scared actually. I don't like churches that much, especially unfamiliar ones, they scare me I guess. So then slowly I got into it and by the time I left, I really enjoyed church. It was something nice and differnt. I mean, I've talked about going to church before, but I feel like this was right, this sort of house of God seemed like the appropriate place. I guess I'm gunna give it a second try next weekend too. I've always believed in a higher being, sometimes I'm skeptical, but other times I think there is a hand that guides us.
After Easter service we went to my father's place and ate breakfast. Those waffles were really good. I liked them. Then my sister and I watched tv for a little bit on the life and times of Mary and Joseph. that was cool.
Then mum picked us up and we drove to my aunt's place where we had our traditional Easter feast. I didn't really play with my littlest cousin too much but I got my brother and our cousin to join me in playing catch with a football. That was cool, it was a game that didn't need our brains and we just talked and tossed. after that i went home fairly content. I like being with my extended family, sometimes more than my own immediate family. well I'm tired monday was a long day. even though I do hate alot... Love EVERYBODY!

ANY WAYS I"M FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!
I guess this is better than actually going out and stabing someone but I need to blow off some steam.
WHO do I hate:
I hate my Mom, My Ex, My School, My State, and we'll see what else pops up.

My Mom: Why I hate her... gawd I could write a fucking book about it. She ruined the stable way of life I was growing up in. Tonight feelings surfaced that had been dormant for a very very long time. More about that later. I hate my mom because of all the shit she has put me through. ya know a month or two after sept 11th my mom got caught running around on my dad. At the time i forgave her. Then I saw the systematic crumpleing of my family. Tonight we had what almost resembled a family dinner, like back in the day except that dad wasn't there. But instead this time, my mom slightly bad mouthed the old man. She always does it... the whole victim game of... if you only knew, sort of bullshit. That was just the beginning. Then she goes and starts to "parentease" the cats. I couldn't stand it and was angry and told her to stop. It kept giving the impression of her losing her goddamn mind. she starts to squirt the cats with the water bottle and then she prys into whats wrong with me. I bulk and SHE FUCKING SQUIRTS ME!!! mind you I was wired at that point and had a knife in my hand. For a split second I was going to use that knife on her. The goddamn whore who ruined and tainted whatever sembleance of fucking childhood I ever had. but I backed off and didn't follow through (prolly for the better, can't join the army if ya kill your mum). THEN she continues to fucking pry into what is wrong. What am I supposed to say, "I think you excuse for running around dad was a crock of shit, I don't think you are the victim, I HATE YOU?" I can't say any of that shit. That'd just crush her. She also fucking turned down a job today. or atleast attempting to get a job. ITS MONEY!!! WHATS WRONG WITH HER. I couldn't stand it anymore. Her bullshit with my dad at the beginning, the added stress with the whole feeling of the family being ALMOST together and just added stresses that I have to deal with in my life. I just said. I really have to go I have a shitload of work todo. But I really Hate my mom, she truely tainted alot of stuff for me.

My EX, I hate her because of what she has become. She was a sweet and innocent girl, and now shes turned herself into a hotel where dudes can stick their dicks. I'm not a fan of the new her. I still love her to an extent. I miss her. Its boarderline obsessive, and psycho but its the way I feel. Thats why I haven't really made any serious attempts at going out with anybody or the likes of that. Because I'm still attached to her. maybe she isn't to me. But I hate her for what she has become.

I hate my school because it is full of the biggest fucking sissies I've ever met. Nobody has the balls to do what I'm doing. I'm not saying I'm the greatest person in the world for it. but I do say they are full of shit. NONE of Them have the balls to defend themselves in battle. None of them have the fucking constitution to defend these here united states. THEY DON"T FUCKING REALIZE THAT THE REASON WE ALL STAY FREE IS BECAUSE OF THE IMPORTANT FUCKIGN JOBS THAT THESE UNSUNG HEROS DO. SOLDIERS/SAILORS/AIRMEN/MARINES all of them, Don't get the credit they deserve. Thats bullshit pure and simple. I'm not saying worship me because I'm doing what you aren't. I'm saying Join me. Because you feel that it is time to be apart of something more than yourself. THATS WHAT MY FUCKING SCHOOLMATES WILL NEVER DO. THATS WHY THEY ARE FULL OF SHIT.
MY FUCKING SCHOOL ALSO HAS AN.... ALCOHOL PROBLEM. You wanna know the problem. The goddamn stupid kids keep drinking themselves retarded. If you're going to drink, have a couple beers. DON"T FUCKING DROWN YOURSELF IN GOAT PISS. Thats what beer looks like anyways... don't ask how i know. Its sickening how my town made local news. I'm disghusted wiht the fact that they are full of shit.
MY STATE, BECAUSE ITS FULL OF PANSIES WHO CAN'T GRAB THEIR BALLS AND STICK BY WHAT THEY THINK. AND ALSO HAS TWO PUSSIES AS SENATORS. FUCK YOU TED KENNEDY. FUCK YOU JOHN KERRY. YOU'RE BOTH COMMIE FUCKING SCUM. I HATE YOU.

I basically HATE at the moment. I want to monkey stomp someone into the ground.
I need to vent or else I will snap at the wrong moment. If you took the time to read all my anger filled rants, thank you. If you think I need to see a psychologist, blow me.